If January 31 had a personality, it would be that one friend who always has the best stories at parties. You know the one—equal parts fascinating, shocking, and downright bizarre. This date has seen history’s strangest twists and turns, from spacetraveling chimps to a doctor who weighed souls like they were fruit at a grocery store. Buckle up because we’re diving into some of the most unbelievable events that happened on this fateful day.
1. The First “Venereal Disease” Hospital Opens (1747): A Milestone No One Asked For
Imagine living in 18thcentury London, where people treated diseases with leeches and thought bad smells could literally kill you. Now, add to that a massive syphilis problem. That’s exactly why, on January 31, 1747, Britain decided to do the world a favor and open the firstever hospital dedicated solely to treating sexually transmitted diseases.
Back then, they didn’t have Tinder or shady “massage parlors,” but they definitely had plenty of scandalous affairs—and an absolute buffet of infections to go with them. The London Lock Hospital became a safe haven (well, sort of) for those suffering from syphilis, gonorrhea, and other diseases that could turn you into a walking corpse before you even hit 30.
Fun fact: Treatments included mercury (because what could go wrong with that?), bloodletting, and, of course, moral lectures because, clearly, shame cures everything.
2. CocaCola Gets a Patent… As a Medicine (1893)
CocaCola, the fizzy, sugarpacked drink that fuels all your bad life decisions, was once considered a medicinal tonic. That’s right—on January 31, 1893, CocaCola was officially patented as a medicine by John Stith Pemberton, a morphine addicted pharmacist who probably thought, You know what would cure headaches? A little bit of cocaine.
And he wasn’t wrong—because original CocaCola contained actual cocaine.
Back in the day, it was marketed as a “nerve tonic” that could cure headaches, exhaustion, and basically anything else that made you feel less than your best. People were out here drinking Coke like it was a multivitamin, completely unaware that their daily dose of “medicine” was basically liquid hype.
When did the cocaine disappear? Around 1904, when people finally realized maybe giving everyone a mild drug addiction wasn’t the best business model. (Or was it? Looking at you, modern energy drinks.)
3. The Doctor Who Faked His Own Death to Weigh a Soul (1901)
Dr. Duncan MacDougall was that one scientist who just had too many questions. His biggest one? How much does the human soul weigh?
So, on January 31, 1901, he did what any reasonable person would do—he weighed dying patients at the exact moment they kicked the bucket. And he claimed that each body suddenly lost 21 grams.
MacDougall took this as scientific proof that the human soul had weight. Others took it as proof that MacDougall was one experiment away from getting thrown into an asylum.
His findings have been debunked about a thousand times, but conspiracy theorists still love this story. Who knows? Maybe ghosts really do have weight. (And maybe that’s why your scale hates you.)
4. Guy Fawkes is Executed (1606): The OG Firework Show Gone Wrong
Before anonymous hackers stole his name, Guy Fawkes was just a guy with a dream—a dream of blowing up England’s Parliament. Unfortunately for him, he was caught before he could light the fuse, leading to one of the most dramatic executions in British history on January 31, 1606.
Fawkes was sentenced to be hanged, drawn, and quartered, which is basically medieval England’s way of saying, We’re going to ruin your entire existence. But Fawkes had one final move—right before they could finish him off, he jumped from the scaffold and broke his own neck.
Talk about going out on your own terms.
To this day, his failed plot is celebrated every November 5 in the UK, where people burn effigies of Fawkes and set off fireworks—because nothing says we remember you like blowing stuff up.
5. The U.S. Congress Passes the 13th Amendment (1865): The End of Slavery—Finally
Some historical moments are strange. Others are just incredibly important.
On January 31, 1865, the U.S. Congress passed the 13th Amendment, abolishing slavery. It took way too long to get there, but this moment changed America forever. The amendment officially ended legal slavery, setting the stage for the long (and ongoing) battle for civil rights.
It was one of those days where history actually got something right.
6. The U.S. Executes a Soldier for Desertion (1945)
World War II was full of chaos, but one of its strangest (and darkest) stories happened on January 31, 1945, when Eddie Slovik became the only U.S. soldier executed for desertion.
Soldiers deserted all the time, but Slovik’s mistake? He actually admitted it. He basically told his officers, Hey, I’m out. I don’t want to fight, and they were like, Well, now we have to make an example out of you.
Even his fellow soldiers thought this was a little much. But the U.S. government was in full “war mode” and decided to make Slovik the first (and only) soldier shot for desertion since the Civil War.
His story has been called one of the most unfair punishments in military history—because, let’s be real, there were way bigger war crimes happening at the time.
7. Ham the Chimp Becomes a Space Pioneer (1961): NASA’s Unpaid Intern
Before humans could go to space, NASA needed a test subject. So, obviously, they picked a chimpanzee named Ham.
On January 31, 1961, Ham became the first primate to survive spaceflight. But this wasn’t just a free ride—Ham was trained to push buttons and complete tasks midflight, making him the first astronaut to do actual work in space.
Basically, Ham was out there grinding while astronauts were still sipping coffee back on Earth.
The best part? Ham survived, lived a long life, and became a celebrity. He even got to retire to a zoo, where he probably spent the rest of his days throwing shade at human astronauts who got all the glory.
8. A Parrot Almost Solves a Murder (2004)
If you thought crime TV shows were dramatic, wait until you hear about Bud the Parrot.
In 2004, a Michigan man was murdered in his home, but there was one witness—his parrot, Bud.
After the murder, Bud kept repeating what sounded like his owner’s last words. People started wondering—did this bird just snitch on the killer?
Unfortunately, the court wasn’t ready to accept a parrot as an official witness (which is a shame, because imagine the crossexamination). But still, Bud’s eerie behavior made him one of the most famous crimesolving animals of all time.
The Takeaway
Some dates just sit there quietly on the calendar. January 31 is not one of them. From chimps in space to ghosts with weight problems, this day is packed with history that ranges from the important to the absolutely ridiculous.
So next time January 31 rolls around, remember—you’re living through a legendary day. Try not to make history in the wrong way.
